Monday, June 13, 2005


Bad Weekend....Bad.

I did horribly this weekend. Not much else to say, except that the alcohol helped to make the rejection more tolerable. Originally I anticipated my blog being more about economics as that is one of my big interests and my field of study, but women have driven me to the bottle and so my posts have become pretty much about my sometimes sober, but increasingly drunken attempts to convince women that I am a worthwhile human being. With one notable exception, this has proven a huge failure, but I will not be deterred. In any case, it seems some of my friends have taken to checking on my blog to see if I survived another week/weekend, so even though I don't much feel like recounting my rejections right now I figured I would pop my head in and say hi and let them know I'm still alive. I'm not looking for tons of phone calls right now. Anyway, I might introduce some new stories about the weekend soon...then again I might just curl up and go into hibernation.

I will be in D.C. for a couple of weeks which could mean very heavy posting (nothing to do) or very little posting (I found a hotspot where hot law students decide they love me and want to hook up every night). Somewhere around the halfway mark I will let you know which turned out to be the case.

Back to work.

Wednesday, June 08, 2005


Monday was awesome

Hey everyone. Okay, so I have a problem. I went out on Monday night and just by accident I ended up in my favorite bar. Really it was an accident. See, I don't follow sports, but apparently Monday was a pistons game so the bars were packed and when I went out for coffee I saw they were packed with attractive women so I figured I'd drop in and try my best. The first two blondes I keyed in on were nice and receptive at first, but at some point they moved on to other guys. I was sad...then I started playing with two brothers, one of them a personal trainer and you would think that would not be a wise move since I don't look anything like a physical trainer. Well two girls came up and started playing pool with us. I ended up spending most of the time sitting at a table talking to the blonde one. I'm not one to kiss and tell, but at the end of the night my lips had not gone unkissed. I also got her phone number and her friends. Here is where Mr. Drunken Stupidity comes in. I have no idea where I put her card and the number of her friend. I feel like a total jerk right now because I can't call her and swore that I would. On the off chance that you are reading this, I hope you will give me a call as I'm pretty sure I gave you my number too or you can email me through the blog. I don't want to get too much more specific than that because while I would like to brag, I don't want to sully anyone's reputation by letting the public at large know they would associate with me...although she did say that I was the cutest guy in the bar. This is in sharp contrast to how my night started with a dogbite when I approached two women walking a doberman down the street and because I had the audacity to approach them and attempt to talk to them the dog was "suck?" on me. For those of you who wish to condemn the idea that a guy should approach two women on a public street at night because they "might be scared" I want to point out that due to the Pistons game there were cops EVERYWHERE and one in fact saw the dog attack me and came over to MY defense. This is what I hate generally about attractive women...they think that I don't have a right to approach them and should realize I'm not attractive enough to talk to them. Well to that I say, get over yourself. Increasingly, thanks to my drunkeness at the bar, I am beginning to actually believe I'm a really cool person. As it turns out, I did not cause any problems during my last blackout and all the waitresses and bouncers seem to like me quite a bit. I am cooler than I ever imagined. On a side note, as a result however of my drunkeness on a Monday night and the fact that I accidentally woke up my roommate on my way in, I am going to have to find a new place to live. I'm hoping to stay in the area so I can continue walking to the bar and home and not have to waste tons of money on cab fare or find another bar. I think my roommate is overreacting hugely, but it's her name on the paperwork so ultimately it's her call...I won't mention the times she has brought people home drunk and woken me up...nope, not gunna mention that at all. I'm a little bitter, but I'll get over it. Anyway, Monday was awesome and if the tall blonde angel who thought I was so cute or her friend who thought I was so cool do read this, I hope they will contact me so it doesn't have to be a onetime thing. Night.

Incidentally...I'm currently sitting in the dark due to a power outage...luckily my laptop batter was fully charged. It has been long does it take to fix a power outage? Ugh...Night.

Monday, June 06, 2005


Blackout Part II

Okay, so I had another blackout this weekend. This time I fully intend to blame my roommate for starting her housewarming party at 5 in the afternoon giving me far too many hours to drink. None of her friends liked me and none of them would talk to me so I kept getting drunker and drunker until around midnight I began my walk down to the bar. I do not know if I made it to the bar that I intended to go to or not. Whereever I ended up, I did end up getting a call from a friend at 1:15 in the morning... a call I do not remember but that she claims was very memorable. Apparently I was hitting on my friend on the phone and some girl wherever I was thought that I was hitting on her and starting cussing me out. That was pretty much the story of my weekend. Women being appalled that I would have the nerve to try and talk to them, even when I wasn't. Anyway, hopefully I'm still welcome at the bar. Dani has me nervous that I'll get kicked out, but as I said before, by most accounts I'm a really fun drunk. The sad thing is that I almost prefer the blackouts now. Rejection doesn't hurt quite as much when you can't remember being rejected. Anyway, that was my weekend. Oh yeah, and I approached the coffee shop girl this morning and got a quasi rejection/cop out from her. When I asked her out she said she would have to "think about it." This is one of many girl codes for "no." Nonetheless, I told her next time I'm in I'll ask her about it again. Fingers crossed-I need a girlfriend so I can stop drinking or if she wants me to continue drinking at least so I know what happened to me the next day.

Thursday, June 02, 2005


Quote for the Day

I don't know if I've thrown this one out before, but here goes.

"If you cannot make God love you, make him fight you. If he will not give you the embrace of the lover, compel him to give you the embrace of the wrestler." --Sri Aurobindu

Story of my life.

For those of you not happy with a solitary quote, here are a few random ones.

Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. ~H.L. Mencken

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It is already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles Schulz

After all, what is your host's purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. ~P.J. O'Rourke

When somebody tells you nothing is impossible, ask him to dribble a football. ~Author Unknown

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but, as empty experiences go, it's one of the best." — Woody Allen.

"I remember my first sexual encounter because I kept the recipe." — Jeff Dahmer. (I hope that one isn't real)

"If it weren't for pickpockets I'd have no sex life at all." — Rodney Dangerfield.

"Sex is one of the nine reasons for reincarnation... The other eight are unimportant." — Henry Miller.

"If all the young ladies who attended the Yale promenade dance were laid end to end, no one would be the least surprised." — Dorothy Parker (1893—1967), US writer.

"It would be less demanding, enslaving, perplexing and strenuous for a healthy male to screw a thousand women in his lifetime than to try to please one, and the potential for failure would be less." — Irma Kurtz.

"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." — Aristotle Onassis

"I don't understand how women can spend so much money, I mean, understand, she don't pay for her own drinks, and she's got her own pussy!" (unknown)

"Of course I like women. Historically, man has always been attracted to Evil." — Timothy McClanahan.

"The Two Things about Women:1. When complaining, they don’t want your advice, they want your sympathy.2. Don’t you dare tell them you can sum them up with just Two Things." — Glen Whitman.

"If there is one thing I know about women, it's that you should never laugh until you absolutely — I repeat, absolutely — know that they're joking." — Mark Dockham.

Okay...more than I originally intended, but my own thoughts aren't nearly as coherent as other peoples' thoughts.


Wednesday, June 01, 2005


Hello, my name is Josh and I'm an Alcoholic, but a really fun one.

Okay, so despite my last post, I went out drinking for the holiday weekend. I discovered that yes, I did throw up in the pizza joint and much to my suprise, they were really okay with that. They told me on Saturday that I'm the coolest and nicest drunk and that I'm free to throw up there anytime. So that's good news. Also I was not there with any hot girls, however yes, bouncers did drive me home. The pizza girls did not seem to have an explanation why, but the bouncers were apparently really nice to me and cleaned me up and everything. Little tip, if you aren't a drunk asshole, bouncers are really cool guys.

I was out drinking on Saturday and the boyfriend of a girl I hang out with sometimes threatened was pretty hilarious. I was so drunk he could have pummeled me for an hour and I wouldn't have felt a thing. Sure I might not be able to walk in the morning, but for the time being I wouldn't feel a thing. I just told him he could take me out back and beat me, but then I tried to hug him and offered to buy him a drink. I played cutthroat with a few guys I met there. I was also vaguely depressed because on Friday a girl had come up to me and told me I looked nice and sweet and ran her fingers through my hair telling me I had the best hair ever. Then she said she left her drink at the bar and she'd be right back never to return. I saw her on my way back from the bathroom and she totally dissed me but also this guy was being a jerk trying to grab her and she told me she didn't know the guy. At the end of the night he was the one she left with though. Women are impossible.

Anyway, I've decided to continue drinking and Saturday is going to be particularly bad. We are having a house warming party and my roommate has forbidden me from hitting on her friends. It starts at 5...I figure I'll be too drunk to comply by 7 and then I'll have to hit the bar until 2, so I may lose all motor skills by Sunday...Go Team.

Okay...enough of this boring updating stuff. Talk to you soon,


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