Monday, September 27, 2004



I'm not feeling it today. I'm in this weird place in my mind...not that my body isn't in a weird place too, but that is a much different type of weird. We started talking about my rejection this weekend at the lunch table and one of my coworkers was surprised by how hard I seemed to be taking it. Rejection is a hard thing. Even if you have tons of experience at it, like I do. In fact, I have probably logged more hours being rejected than any man living or dead. That kind of experience doesn't make each rejection makes it harder. I talk about how you don't have much to lose when you approach women you don't know, but the truth is that when you lower your standards and get rejected even by those women you bring yourself to an entirely new level of misery and self realization. Not only can I not get my first choice...I can't get my second...then my third...then my fourth...until eventually you realize that you can't get anyone. This isn't to say anything about the specific woman who rejected me during the weekend. What I guess I was trying to point out is that every rejection stings a little. Some more than others of course. A few weeks ago I asked out 5 or 6 women in one night before moving on to the bartender and got nowhere without being phased too harshly (although I didn't sleep terribly well that night) but this weekend I got rejected by one woman and it stings even more deeply. I'm wondering if it is because she actually took the time to talk to me and discover that she had no interest in me? She gave me a chance to impress her and I blew it. The women at the bar rarely gave me more than a few seconds...I had minutes sitting with a coffee with this woman and I couldn't make an impression. It was a more considered rejection than I usually get. I should be grateful that I got the opportunity, but ultimately it was another opportunity to fail...

I think that is why I'm out of my head today. I'm on an appointment tomorrow so hopefully by then I will be back in my usual dismally upbeat demeanor.

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