Saturday, September 11, 2004


I'd give these kids A if they were real.

Okay, carpet cleaners are coming in less than an hour so I don't have much time...I should be able to post later in the day, however I wanted to share an email forwarded by Marie. Normally I don't pay much attention to these bulk joke emails, but this one had a subject line of "why english teachers retire early" and begins: "Actual analogies and metaphors found in high schoolessays:"

Now before I share some of my favorites I want to point out that I am sharing them because I think they are really good and if I were an english teacher I would definitely give students who wrote like this high marks, unless of course the assignment was to actually create a metaphor. Other than that, I am all on board with these:

5. She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makesjust before it throws up.
6. Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
7. He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
9. The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way abowling ball wouldn't.
14. Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced acrossthe grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one havingleft Cleveland at6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
15. They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fencesthat resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
16. John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who hadalso never met.
17. He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was theEast River.
28. . It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple itto the wall.
20. The plan was simple, like my brother-in-law Phil.But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.

Okay...I have to get stuff off the floor for the cleaners...Bye

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