Wednesday, July 28, 2004


Poetry of Acid

I destroyed most of my much of it was just a reminder of the pain and I get to keep that anyway, so it really isn't necessary.  What remains of my poetry, I thought, was in a book that I had tried to give to Emily as part of a graduation present.  She refused the gift and so it is still with the girl who was to give it to her.  Still, I guess that wasn't all of it.  I was unpacking a box last night and ran across one that survived.  It is obviously written by someone rather young, but then again that person is me so I'm not sure if I wrote something today that it would sound much different.

The poetry of acid
and the singing of the dope
the screaming of the dying souls
and the silence of the hope.

The pounding of my heart
set to some ancient drum
the vibrations of my soul
as they call  out for a gun

the sounds that gang up on me
and scream at me at night
are the sounds that come from loving you
it's the wrongness of the right

And hiding in the silence
somewhere in the noise,
I'm reminded hope belongs
to other girls and boys.

--Josh  1996

I seem to remember that there was a slightly better version of it after a rewrite, but I can't remember what the change was.  I don't know if it would have made it anymore tolerable.  For those of you who might wonder whether any of my poetry is worth a (insert your choice of expletives here), I sincerely doubt it.  They weren't bad for a high school student, but the immaturity of the writing style becomes apparent readily in retrospect.  I sometimes wonder if it wasn't a good thing Emily didn't take the  book because then the more I thought about how bad some of the poetry was the more I would be tormenting myself and imagining her reading it and laughing at me.  I do remember another poem from memory.  I had to read it quite a bit and it was published in the local paper, but I think it was more or less one of those lets laugh at the kids kind of things.  Here is that one:

I am driven to annoyance
I am brought into a rage
when the world tosses and turns me
like wind amongst the sage
when the pleas of all the world
go forgotten or denied
despite all our efforts
and no matter what we've tried
when I have loved her
yet she will not love me
when I can't get it through my head
that it just wasn't meant to be.
I think we need a world that's fair
where what wins is always right,
but I think we'd all settle for true love
if even for just one night.
--Josh 1995

Well, there ya all an act of self indulgence I might have Marie dig that book out and I could post them online here.  I must admit, for the mediocrity of the poems, I do want to go back from time to time and read them.  Sometimes it is just an extension of my Emily intoxication, but other times it is because I actually remember some strange phrase or use of wording that I had particularly liked and I just want to see how it held up.  I don't know really, I guess I am just in one of those moods tonight.  I have things to say about the DNC, but all the energy has been sapped from me as I attempt to wrestle with my inner demons yet again.  I really thought they were supposed to call the match at some point when it is obvious you stand no chance of winning. 

Maybe I will be back to my more interesting (comparatively anyway) rants later.  Catch ya on the flip side.


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